What to do if he forgot Valentine's again
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Did you have that awkward moment when he realized that you knew that the wilting rose and cheap chocolate were an afterthought on the way home?
After repeated and blatant negligence, complete thoughtlessness and total aloofness — when you are left with the distinct impression that for much of his day, he completely forgot about you — it’s clear there is only one thing you should do:
Forgive him.
Forgiving people — especially your spouse — when they have wronged you is commanded, only makes sense, ensures the health of your relationship and has a direct impact on your relationship with God.
Forgiveness is commanded often. I don’t think I have room for all the proof-texts, but here’s a pretty clear and concise one: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
“Forgiving each other” is part of being “kind to one another.” What about that word “be” that the verse starts with? It’s called an imperative. Non-grammar nerds more commonly call it a command.
Forgiveness only makes logical sense. But consider Jesus’ parable on forgiveness in Matthew 18:12-35. After a king had forgiven a man’s huge debt which he had no hope of repaying (hundreds of millions of dollars in today’s economy), that same man went out into the hall and, when he saw someone who owed him only a couple thousand dollars, beat him up and threw him in debtor’s prison.
Obviously, the king was annoyed when he heard about the incident, so the king threw the man in jail himself.
As a believer, you have been forgiven for much more than failing to remember a holiday. In the face of how much God has forgiven you, it only makes sense to forgive other people. It makes more sense to forgive someone who loves you and whom you love.
Forgiveness is a vital part of the health of your marriage. Really, it’s a vital part of any sort of relationship with another person — whether they’re your friend, parent, sibling, boss, etc.
1 Corinthians 13 is often quoted in weddings. This is the quote you know: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous”
Verse 5, however, says love “keeps no record of wrongs.” Real, biblical, actual love, on any level, is quick to forgive and start over again with a clean record.
In Matthew 18:22, Jesus even says you should do this “seventy times seven” times. So at the very least, you can take Jesus’ hyperbole literally and hold a grudge against your husband on the 491st Valentine’s Day he forgets, if you stay married that long.
Finally, forgiving other people is integral in your relationship with God. After Jesus teaches the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6, the one part of the prayer he chooses to explain is verse 12, “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” He goes on to explain in verse 15, “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”
The way you forgive other people is vital to your relationship with God.
Please note that this attitude of forgiveness applies to everyone, but it particularly applies to your spouse. Without forgiving each other, your marriage will not work properly. People are imperfect. You are. Your spouse is. The only way imperfect people can love each other is if they forgive each other.
Isn’t that sort of love the reason you wanted to celebrate on Valentine’s Day in the first place?