Arguing Well: Why are you fighting?
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I have a friend who lived most of her life in Japan. After she married an American, her husband put considerable effort into understanding the culture that formed the way his wife thinks and sees the world. After all, as a Christian, he took the biblical injunction to dwell with his wife "with understanding" (1 Peter 3:7).
He once explained to me what he thought was the core difference between Eastern and Western thought. In Western thinking, the question is, "Is it right or wrong?" But in the Japan, he said, the core question is, "Is this honorable or shameful?"
Ironically, in my unmitigated Western mode of thinking, I immediately began to think, "Is it right or wrong to think that way?" In fact, I need to admit that I don't love anything more than being right. Conversely, I don't hate anything more than being wrong. For most of my life, this has informed my arguments. I would argue absolutely anything simply to win the argument — to be perceived as right whether I was or not, and to prove someone else was wrong whether they were or not.
Then I met Jesus, I was forced to acknowledge I was not right. Jesus has a habit of forcing that on people. So the question in my mind changed from, "How can I prove that I'm right?" to "How can I become right?" I became obsessed with truth. After all, Jesus did say, "I am the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6). Therefore, wouldn't it follow that the obsessive pursuit and promotion of truth is the same as the obsessive pursuit and promotion of Jesus?
No.
"Truth" is not God's only identity. Truth is one attribute of God. "The way" and "the life" are in that verse, too. In John 1:16, Jesus' identity is described as being "full of grace and truth." Notice how "grace" is listed before "truth." Love is another of God's attributes and is closely linked to his identity (see 1 John 4:8).
In an obsessive pursuit of truth, I ended up being frequently wrong.
Love without truth is vapid, but truth without love is equally worthless. If we want to engage in an obsessive pursuit and promotion of Jesus, both truth and love need to be the paramount. It is only when we are "speaking the truth in love" that we "grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)
The Greek in that verse is really interesting. We don't really have a good way of translating it to English. "Speaking the truth" is one verb. We can call it "truthing." It has as much to do with what we do as much as what we say. "Truthing" involves every aspect of our lives.
Additionally, what we read in English as "in love" can also be translated "for the sake of love," "given wholly to love" or "through love." My favorite way to translate it is "because of love."
This, then, is the KBG (KBG stands for "Kyle's Best Guess") version of Ephesians 4:15, "But truthing because of love, you will grow up in every way to be like Him who is the head, which is Christ."
This brings us to the question before us. Why do we fight? Just as appropriate, why don't we fight? When the opportunity to defend truth arises, what should motivate us to either make a stand or to abandon the battlefield?
Please note here that when I use the word "argue" or "fight," I'm not talking about the usual screaming match that has been portrayed so graphically in the political sphere lately. I'm talking about the struggle of debate and reasoned discussion to find truth. I'm talking about what it should be, not what it is.
It seems that the truth by itself is not worth fighting for. (I want you to know how painful it is to admit this in writing.) If my favorite Reformation theologian George Blaurock was right when he said, "Truth is unkillable," then I need to admit that truth itself needs no defense. Something that cannot be killed does not need me to fight for it.
Often, we look at an argument from the perspective of its effect on truth, but if there is an objective truth, we cannot change it no matter what we say. I may convince you that the sky is green, but that doesn't change the measurable wavelength of light our atmosphere absorbs. Truth is unkillable.
But, people are killable.
People can even be worse than killed. Jesus said, "Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell" (Matthew 10:28).
Truth cannot logically compel us to fight, but love can.
Instead of its effect on truth, we should think about the effect of an argument on people. Knowing the truth is good for us. Jesus said, "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32).
Therefore, our motive should be love: the pursuit of another's best interest.
When we argue, it should be because we love our debate partner and we want them to know freedom through Jesus. If we engage, it should only be because of "Christ and him crucified" (1 Corinthians 2:2). When we argue, our arguments should flow from being motivated by truth and love equally. If we do not genuinely care for the best interest of our debate partner, we will not fight in the right way, we will not fight at the right time or place, we will not fight with the right person and we will not fight for the right thing.
Instead of asking, "honorable or shameful?" or asking, "right or wrong?" perhaps we should be asking, "hateful or loving?"